My liver just broke up with me...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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