apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
