I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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