We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
