Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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