sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
