she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
