he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
