I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are two peas in an std pod
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
