woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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