I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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