Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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