Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My balls are so social today.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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