absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
