you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
