He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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