I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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