Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
