Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
