Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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