5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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