He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
