Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
