a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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