I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
nutella sex= disaster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
