This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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