so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
