I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
