I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
