You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
