i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
