I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
