He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize