i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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