he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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