so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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