You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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