She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We just shotgunned beers for America
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
