A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
