i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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