Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
