I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
