I accidentally had phone sex last night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
