Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
