At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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