Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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