I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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