the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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