Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
