Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
