I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
