Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
