So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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