i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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