do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
whose parrot is this?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
