his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
