My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
