you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
