Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
