it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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