I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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