you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
