fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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