what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
