literally had 100 drinks last night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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