Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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