I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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