...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
