my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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