I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
