How'd it feel making her break her religion?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drake has all the answers
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
