Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we made out on top of his cat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize