I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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