I cockslap morals
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
