tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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