One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize